the world's poorest man

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"Take heart...take heart..." , he wheezes as he brought the cup of his palms to his mouth, and as if sipping water, he puckered his lips - only then, he wasnt sipping no water - , his breath form a white cloud which got trapped on the palms, and disappeared almost immediately onto the icy air. They are invisible. But one day, they may end up somehwere - the vast ocean, a river, a spring, rain droplets - it reminded me of the cycle of water.

He looked up at me with eyes which gleamed with glee, as if trying to guess what's flashing on the back of my mind.

"Do know, ...", his eyes bore into mine, and I was frozen, momentarily in the freezing space.

"no matter how bad/boring you think your life is, you're still better off than someone else in someone's eyes.."

I sit still, my heart flinched.

"Only to someone else. If I feel that I am in the worst possible condition, and am willing to trade with any beggar, then I am the world's poorest man"

He wheezes, and wheezes, and then I realized that he was in fact, chuckling.

I cast down my head to hide the hint of smile on my lips . He was coughing blood just moments ago - and here I am ! Almost laughing ! As I peered up at him through my fringe, amusement on my dry eyes, he smiled a sooty, toothy grin and yawned.

"But if someone else is willing to trade their places for yours. Then yours isnt the worst ! You're here on the mercy of the world. We gotta help each other get through life. And with that, we need to stop complaining and start moving. You sayin' yer the poorest man eh? I saved you yesterday. Now its yer turn ! come, help tie my shoelaces for me and you aint no poorest man anymore."

I looked up at him, trying to unfold the joke in his words.

"If its that easy, I wont be here in the middle of nowhere now , old man !" , I whispered, my throat hoarse.

"But its that easy indeed !" , he dug his mitten-clad hands into the sack behind him and, holding together a pair of stringed shoes, beckoned me with his chin.

"Come, I havent worn this for so loong. No one had ever come across this place for decades, and once these came off, I cant wear them back"

as he put down the shoes he held so gingerly down onto the damn earth, he took off his mittens, now and then glancing up at me and my stare. As he smiled and stripped his arms, I saw naked skin under the mittens , two gnarled thumbs, and no other fingers. "

"Chopped 'em off,- frostbite. ", he grinned, "I aint gonna die yet that time."

err once

paper, we tear apart ,

and one whole book become a piece

of parched blank parchment,

thirsting for her fountain

ink pool

Yet, parched,

crackling with a delicate crispness

fragile sheets ,

white

as old bones,

sway with the air

down

to the dirt

or wooden floor,

freckled age spots.

err once,

when it not time

as if a marble

atop a vessel

cruising mid-ocean

once sunk

forever lost...

- 2 -

Once, I was assigned a drawing homework in Primary 3, and obsessed as I was with perfection, I sketched an immaculately drawn artpiece obviously man-made in terms of the fruits' arrangement and positioning. My still life is literally a still life. Its stiffness and rigidity couldnt have beaten any other. Having finished the masterpiece, I ran up to my dad to earn his praise. Instead, he glanced over at my painting , tossed it aside, and sat me down on a table with a fresh sheet of plain paper. 'Watch.', he said, flatly. So I watched, as his nimble grubby fingers of an ex-mechanic maneuvered and skated black crayon atop the pale sheet. As the pastel danced, shapes materialized, one after another before I could realize it - finally, a basket of tropical fruits with a backdrop of bamboo sheets. As he proceeded to sketch the pineapples' scales, the orange's rough , dotted texture, and the bamboo sheet's plaited structure, I protested vehemently about his 'careless' dotting of the fruits, and lining of the textures. He frowned and stared me down as he said : nothing in this world is perfectly aligned. A lot of things, are random. And that, is art.

'But i want a perfect art piece!', I insisted.

'This is far from perfect! My drawing reflects myself - it had to be perfectly aligned !!!'

With a huge sigh , he gazed at me and spoke.

'Nothing in this world is perfect , but one.'

'What is?', i challenged.

'You are. ', he waited , ' I am. '

'But i cant play the piano..I cant...you wont let me learn, so i cant....'

'We all are imperfect in our terms and conditions,' he quipped, ' but we need to know one thing. We are indeed perfect. But we cant see it sometimes.You know why?'

'Why?'

'Because God never make a mistake. We are all perfect designs. Our lives, are perfectly fine as it is if we just try our best. But to see that, you need to first accomplish one very critical requirement.'

'That being...?'

He smiled a smile I could never dream of seeing again now. Not that I had dared to face him given my present state. ... There is a bitter laughter which I felt choking up my throat. I felt like laughing - but airy tears seem to well up my eyes, fogging my glasses as I thought of my imperfections. No, not yet . I have not finished living. To me, I am still too far, much too far from achieving perfection. But deep inside, maybe I am too afraid to acknowledge this.

Am I ready yet ?

If only I try to give it a go, is it possible that I could be ready?

But I am too scared , still, to give it a go. With hours left to count, should I try to accept defeat, or see death as defeat at all? I had always wanted to ask him this, directly, face to face, just for the sake of hearing his answer. Dad...have you ever regretted your 'perfect' life? Have you ever wished you are somewhere else, with somebody else but Mom and us?

'But first, you must learn to love yourself.'

- 1 -

If you only had 09 days left to live, what would you do ?

Would you travel all around the world ? Eat everything you'd wanted to , played to your heart's content, do the craziest things you've always thought you'd never do ?

Please, be serious.

I am very serious.

What if, you are a meager student not earning much salary.

A self sufficient individual who supported herself through school and life.

With no home to return to, and alone - abroad.

I, had been too occupied to wonder about such things earlier. Nine days earlier, to be precise. There was work. There was money, roof, and food to worry over - although no, I did not worry much. By nature skeptical and laid back, I observe and critique - and when things didnt go well, or become too overwhelming to overcome, I stepped down, and watched. I observe and accept. Maybe I've developed this trait from years of desensitizing myself. Seemed like, my effort to appear to fit in, did succeed after all, to a disappointing degree. I am a product of years of self-oppression and rigid self-regulated control exercise. But I have always been quite contented with what I have. As the scripture has said, I tried my best to be grateful. I have shared and loved. I had more than plenty to give out. Even when the worst seem to have stricken - virtually orphaned and abandoned, with a looming shadow of dread ahead of me, I stopped fighting when I know nothing would change everything. Something will change something at least, so I tried, but only tried and did. I still managed to feel grateful, though a resentful gratitude be it. I amuse and bemuse myself - an attempt at compromise for a survival. I will not do without a smile a day. Smiling hurt - but staring into spaces burned. In a state of transfixed stare, i had instinctively, temporarily held my breath, and for what seemed like an eternal cycle, my heart would slowly freeze into a hard cast of stone - impossibly sturdy to chip off. But at least, I tried to be happy. I was bathing in illusion of elation most of the days. And at least, I can still afford to be grateful, and a graceful attitude I directed to the world.

But 09 days ago, my whole life flopped down - an ugly piece of smashed cheesecake, toppled o'er its throne. What is there, that remain to be admired? No longer a decent sight, not a taste , not a smell. Pure still-life remained - an art piece due to expire soon, before 'the collector' comes to retrieve it, and store it inside its rightful place - the garbage garage.

what could I have done back then, there's no use wondering now, i understand.

But even in its throes of death, a mice will still kick and breathe. I maybe a fool that I still wished, now, resentfully, that i had been a more child like, and a less sceptical being. Thinking now, I cant see my place in this world. Where have I been ? What have I done? Who have I been ? How many times have i called 'enough', when it is not nearly enough?'

More than ever, now, I want more.

Not only the good things,

bad things ,welcome if you will.

I've barely had enough.

I want to go on.

SS paper - revenge not accomplished yet

One word would suffice to describe my feelings :
~ Disastrous ! ~

huhu...
How come I can do the first SEQ ?
BUT
HOW COME I forget the two name !!! ERP and ALS !!

I ended up doing the British question instead...what a luck !!! >.<
Argh ! I want to write ! Want to type !
Huhuhu...

Some more , can't buy Rukia kimono from PanInTheBox since the cost , $88 , is way too high for me...[Indonesian recession..huhuhu...]

AAAH ! I better study or I'll be dead on the day of my Literature paper...WOOh ! Sleep first !

POST-O-LEVEL REVENGE !!

Wahahahahah! I almost went insane after ONLy the first two torturous week of O-LEVEL !
I haven't had time to relax...
Haven't had time to update my blog ...
Haven't had time to check my numerous accounts...
Haven't had even a second to READ a NOVEL !!
>< [tears] huhuhu... But I've had plans for the After O !! No matter what , I am going to 1.Buy piles of books ! Hahahaha ! Brisingr! LotR ! Here I come ! 2.UPdate Blog !! Gonna write on - To Kill a Mockingbird and A Midsummer Night's Dream Hahahaha! Pure revenge ! after O level , I'm gonna bury these two books in the topmost shelf so I probably won't see it again for the next 10 years ! - I am Messenger_Markus Zusak - New moon and Eclipse_Meyer , finally coming after I reread it ...hehe... - etc [still have lutsa books XD] Last but not least ...gonna : Party ! Eat ! Play ! Hahaha ! Seventeen ! Who says "scholars shouldn't have fun !!" And I am going to have as much fun as I can next month ! YAY !

-Almost crazy-

By the way , this is my latest "hunt" item...hikz...seemed like I can't find it ..><

Breaking Dawn

You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared toward those kinds of killers—the monsters, the enemies.
When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it?
If it was someone you truly loved?

- Breaking Dawn -
by : Stephenie Meyer

Don't know what is Breaking Dawn ?!!!
Run straight to the nearest bookshop to grab one of the Twilight sagas and read it !!!
you just can't miss this one !

The next two paragraphs are written straight after I finished the book , still heavily intoxicated:
Wow ! Now , I don't care the smallest bit of anything anymore .I just wished to regurgitate everything that have been raking inside my brain for the last few hours as my eyes raced through Breaking Dawn's last few pages !!- But..phew....[sigh..] Though I have been rather worried by the movie [ Don't judge the book by its movie !!!], the myth that the saga had been, 'seemingly' deteriorating in quality down to Eclipse , and the beginning of the book ,........................................,Breaking Dawn is an overall success !!!!!!! Yes ! Appaluse to Stephenie ! I finished reading it , eyes teary and weary , but with a huge grin on my face ! Now ....

SPOILER ONLY IN THE BOLD PART Man ! This book , when you're reading it half way , it really irked you to the deepest rung of your heart .The pregnancy part , which was especially graphic [for most people , and slightly distuirbing for the faint hearted ones , like Esme , for example ..hehe...] albeit being a very logical part of the plot .I kind of expected such sufferings when she conceived her baby -which she shouldn't have any idea of in the first place .But ,I'll tell it straight, this book really stole my heart , like the others did .It have a proper opening and ending .I began reading the first pages with a smile and finished it with smiles !

" I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."-Edward

Ok , back to the review thingy ...

Stephenie's Breaking Dawn had sold 1.4 million copy in a day , and ,having read it :
- I know that there's more to it than the fact that there are lots of Twilight series' fans who had been dying to purchase this book since the beginning of this blissful year !

You won't be disappointed if you love the previous book . You will be thrilled , your heart battered with so much excitement that you won;t mind reading it again though you've just finished it ! [ I have one friend who is reading it for the fourth time straight-now, that might be a hyperbolic example , quite surprising even for me ]

"Dancing isn't so bad—with you. But I was thinking more of this,"—and I pressed myself to him even tighter—"of never having to let you go."-Bella

But Breaking Dawn ? I absolutely , indefinitely , unconditionally loves it !

Breaking Dawn , the fourth sequel to the Twilight series , told us of Bella's[the main character who fell in love with a vampire] wedding and honeymoon with Edward , followed by lots of twists [which you may or may not like, but INTERESTING !] , ironies [which makes up most of teh funny parts, ALERT : danger of paroxysms of giggles] , and things [I don't want to add spoilers...hehe...] which makes the plot almost irresistible [if not because I've read too many good books but no time to put it up here ...] ! .

Based loosely on The Empire and A Midsummer Night's Dream , those who had read these books would have an advantage in understanding more about the processing of the book .For those who doesn't , easy does it !

There's no worry and you can enjoy this book as much as those who've read the two books .

As I had mentioned , the plot would present you with twists , circumstances which one will not expect .In the beginning to the middle of the novel, some of us ,might behave defensively and rebelliously against this change ,but DON't put the book down or you'll regret it and mope over it !

One thing you must do with Breaking Dawn is : keep reading , grasp it , wrestle with it , be fascinated,astonished , awed , amazed with it , and eventually , infatuated .Believe it or not ,climax, denouement and all , you'll be besotted by this book !

Also ,despite the mixed reviews from many fans , I think Stephenie's way of ending the book is acceptable .She's the author anyway , and I think she had the right to make the denouement which she thinks is suitable , and as long as it is logical and it fit into the plot very nicely , I won't mind it .Her denouement had painted a huge smile on my face - yet I sort of understood the disappoinment of some fans who've too much expected the story to be ended "their way" [you can google in to see with your eyes] .

We might have expected differently , and she might not have written it as well as she have written Twilight for some of us , but personally , I think she won my utmost admiration when I read the last few pages ,and I am expecting more and better masterpieces from her now ...

"Now you know," I said lightly, and shrugged. "No one's ever loved anyone as much as I love you."
"You're almost right." He smiled, his eyes still a little wider than usual. "I know of just one exception

Midnight Sun ?
It's confirmed now that I WILL ABSOLUTELY have it in my shelves .

Breaking Dawn .
A must buy ? Definitely !!
Now , quoting a part of the book :

ALice : "Like it ?"
Bella shook her head .
Alice :"Love it ?"
She nodded !!

That's how my feeling is about BD !!

And for those who read A Midsummer Nights' Dream , 'Mischievous' , just like Puck .You can't expect what to expect ...

You'll see some Demetrius , and making references between BD and MND is fun [ I tried to make an essay relating MND to BD with one of my lit friend ... it's hillarious , knowing what Stephenie might be thinking when she wrote this ...]



Lastly , I just want to speak out , that , if not for Stephenie's Twilight , maybe I would not have discovered the wonders words as early as last two year ,when I first learned English . Maybe , like some of my friends , I wouldn't have seen the beauty of words [which is horrendous !!! ] till now .So , thank you , Stephenie ... We're waiting for more from you ^^

"Forever and forever and forever" he murmured .
"That sounds exactly right to me "

The Shadow of The WInd

The Shadow of The Wind
from the author : Carlos Ruiz Zafon

" There are worse prisons than words "-Julian Carax / Nuria Monfort

The Shadow of the Wind is a captivating tale , mesmerzing and intoxicating at the same time . Reading this book will remind you of Gabriel Garcia mixed with Charles Dickens and with a tinge of sweet Spanish romance and mystery . This book enchants his readers with a tale about a young boy , by name Daniel , who found a book titled 'The Shadow of The Wind' [yes !] in The Cemetery of Forgotten Book .Struck by the literary beauty of the book , and intrigued as to why the book he was holding onto was probably the last existing copy in this world , Daniel set up on his investigation about Julian Carax , a man of enigma who is the author of that enchanting book . Along the way , we are rewarded with alluring plots which intertwined with each other , forming a huge tangle of lives which cuts or loops over each other when they met . We follow Daniel's breathtaking and suspenseful pursue of Julian Carax while he himself is threatened by a man with no face , Lain Coubert , the devil in Julian;s books , who had lived to burn the remaining of Julian's books , and as Julian's life tale is unweaved , slowly , slowly , we began to draw a line of symmetry between Julian and Daniel's life , and just how riveting this tale is !

" so long as we are being remembered , we remain alive ." Julian Carax

The Shadow of the Wind is too good to miss ! Go grip one and take a look over the first few pages and you'll be flipping over the pages feverishly before you realize that this book has bewitched you . It's just so simple to fall in love with this one , especially with such charming and yet enigmatic characters shrouded in the darkest secrets possible in the Gothic setting of Spain , Barcelone . As for me , personally I found that this book had taught be to remain honest , to stood with courage and marches up against all odds no matter what , and to keep on believing .It makes me believe in the significance of sacrifices , and how sometimes there are things which are best kept hidden - forever ...

"This city is a sorceress , you know , Daniel ? It gets under your skin and steals your soul without you knowing it ..." Fermin Romero del Tores

TSoTW will get you rummaging the content of this book no matter how you despise classics !This book is simply exhilarating !
Some things which I could tell you as you read this novel :
-You'll be dying to know Julian Carax
-You'll abhor yet be besotted by the characters , whoever they are
-you'll found yourself holding your breath or chuckling at some points
and ,
You'll Love It !
Trust Me !
It's too tempting a treat to miss !
ANd ,
Carlos Ruiz Zafon seems to have another one coming !
"The Angel's Game "

Watch out ~ he..he ...

"The stranger turned around and walked off toward the docks , a shape melting into the shadow , cocooned in his hollow laughter ."-Daniel Sempere

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

from the author : Kim Edwards

"This would destroy her . I would not have her destroyed ."
- David Henry [McCallister] about Norah , a wife beloved to him .

Life is a choice .Happiness is a choice .Love - is a choice .
One stormy night in the midst of winter in 1964, Dr.David Henry was forced by circumstances to deliver his own twins .Although shocked and terrified , he managed to do that calmly , thanks to his expertise in medical practices .Paul , his son , was born first , crying and healthy .Phoebe was born later , quiet and pretty .Holding the tiny baby girl in his arms , recognizing the unmistakable traits which confirmed that she was to be burdened with Down's Syndrome for her whole life , he numbly requested for his nurse , Caroline Gill , to take the baby girl to an institution for the invalids .A choice made without his unconscious wife knowing ,and later , a secret little prison of his own life. Achoice which would send his whole life wheeling out of control when Caroline , who was in love with David , ran away with the baby , away from David's life ... Until the end came ...

"

The Memory Keeper's daughter is definitely , undoubtedly a page-turner with a plot strong enough to ravage the sea of emotions in your heart .This book I have devoured in twelve hours' time .This book , which had trapped me in my chair , flipping through the pages feverishly one Saturday night !!

What's so interesting about this novel ?
Well , I think ...if you love The Lovely Bones , you would certainly like this as well . I find this feelingly woven story appealing in the same way The Lovely Bones did to me .
Here , we watch Dr.David Henry ,a youthful ,handsome , talented and married scholar and orthopedic surgeon whose life seemed to be perfect -simply flawless .For a child who came from a poor rural family , he was lucky he's intelligent enough to be granted scholarship and a bright financial future and a promising career .He had married his first love , Norah , a beautiful lady who ,as the story developed , would prove as talented as David was .Their life before that stormy night in 1964 seemed like a pleasant dream .David was building up his career and Norah was heavily pregnant .It was a decision David made , a decision greatly affected by his painful childhood memories , his denial and unconditional love for Norah .

It was heartbreaking though , to witness the agony , despair and fury which each of the characters would need to go through . David appeared to be calm and composed but inside , guilt had eaten the desire to life in him , convincing him that he deserves a punishment in all sort of misery and obsession he could find in order to seek redemption for his mistake - a mistake he believed was too late to be reversed . Norah , sorrowful and lifeless after her loss , was desperate for but denied love and consolation as David drowned himself in jobs and immersed himself in all sort of activities but never really listening to , or trying to understand Norah .A child as talented as his parents , who sought escapade in music and defying his parents, his emotions ravaged and unstable , after living in the darkness of the Henry's house for his whole life .Evil and selfish as they seemed , each and every single one of them had locked in their heart an unconditional love to their beloved ones .This love , which lead them to self-destruction . This love , which cause too much pain for them to bear ,they turned and walked away . This love , which wreak a silent havoc inside their family , cracking the remnants of what was left of their bond , erecting a huge wall of lies between them.

“THE MEMORY KEEPER’S DAUGHTER unfolds from an absolutely mesmerizing premise, drawing you deeply and irrevocably into the entangled lives of two families and the devastating secret that shapes them both. I loved this riveting story with its intricate characters and beautiful language.”
—Sue Monk Kidd

“This tragedy of a man who thinks he can control how lives are redirected is as moving as the story of his nurse, who knows that her love can bless a damaged life…Anyone would be struck by the extraordinary power and sympathy of THE MEMORY KEEPER’S DAUGHTER.
—The Washington Post

“An auspicious debut novel…THE MEMORY KEEPER’S DAUGHTER is a page-turner, a wonderfully crafted tale…Highly recommended.”
—Bookreporter.com

And ....lastly

Terryfyingly heart-wrenching . A tale of the finding of redemption , love, happiness and helplessness . David had tried to "fix" everything but ended up screwing it all . In the end , whose fault it is ,when "all are punished" ?

click here to read the excerpt .

Night

Night

from the author : Elie Wiesel"For God's sake , where is God ?"
And from within me , I heard a voice answer :
"Where He is ? This is where - hanging here from this gallows."

Eliezer Wiesel [In English : Elie Wiesel ] is a University professor at Boston University , apolitical activist , Nobel Laureate , Andrew.W.Mellon Professor of the Humanities ,and a Jewish survivor of the Holocaust .Years after his survival , Eliezer , who described himself as being "weak,rather shy" boy ,had wondered about the purpose behind his survival . He had authored over 40 books , the best known of which is Night which had been edited ,and translated into English by his wife, Marion Wiesel . He was 15 years old when his family , neighbors , friends , and most of the Jewish society in Germany were deported to the Ghettos ,to the concentration camps and mostly ,eventually , to death itself.

A memoir written by a Holocaust survivor ,this masterpiece allows us to take a vivid glimpse at the prisoners' life inside the concentration camps during the Holocaust itself .
Night tells the story of a young Jewish boy who had ventured into the Kingdom of Night and witnessed the terror of the massacre of the Jewish population by Hitler while the whole world watched in silence .
As the boy went through the daily murders ,under the threat of being tossed into the oven/crematoriums by 'selection' looming dangerously overhead ,and struggled lifelessly to survive , his father the only beacon of life which kept him alive ,we see the horridity of each moments spent in the camps .
Each moment didn't count for nothing , for in each and every moment spent in Auschwitz , Birkenau , Bunchenwald , Jew prisoners were tossed into the crematorium and burned into ashes .Each moment saw the morale erode , humanity dissolve ,blood seeped into the earth ,tears dried and life lost its purpose . Human beings were forced to live with animalistic instincts in the concentration camps .A Eliezer and his father fought in keeping each other alive , it is painful to watch the relationship so dear and close between father and son crumple down when father turned weak and old , and too sickly that he became a burden to the son . Night allows us to witness the lost of innocence ,faith , humanity and sense .Humans fought for a crust of bread like dogs .Families torn apart .Son abandoned father .Manslaughter.
With the boy , we explore the time when the desire to live is no longer present ,when the only thing that mattered is a crust of bread and a bowl of soup ,and when the body lost the connection with the mind .
Night shows that holocaust2 is a time when death is everywhere but far .

Night will drive you questioning your own humanity -and the world's . What would you do under such circumastances ? Why did the world keep silent for such a long time ,when their brothers and sisters are being massacred in silence? Elie Wiesel also ,once again ,brought the truth to the surface , that even until now , such massacre still occured and where were we , sitting comfortably o a couch ? Nowadays see the genocide in Darfur , Starvation in Ethiopia , crisis and massacres in many parts of the world while most of us keep silent and ignorant .There are many reasons why history matters .For one , history taught us of our past mistake ,that there is absolutely no need in repeating the same mistake .That there is a need for us to stand up and speak out .That there is something an indivudual can do . See Raoul Wallenberg , Marthin Luther kIng Jr. , Albert Schweitzer and Nelson Mandela , who had changed the world . All of them are mere men - our only differences lay on determination , belief and courage .

Night is absolutely worth reading , as it explores an appalling subject , a spectral terror which still haunts our world , unnoticed by many , today , in the 21st century !
I can't agree more with The New York Times in this subject .

"A slim volume of terrifying power" The New York Times

"From the depths of the mirror , a corpse was contemplating me . The look in his eyes as he gazed at me has never left me ."